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Chapter Four
The Elfie-Boys
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Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle
The Elfie-Boys and Their BIG Egos
Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM
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A Consiracy Unmasked (tm)

Aldawen and Sake stealthily crept down the hallway, looks of complete concentration upon their faces. They were two predators, stalking their prey. Aldawen turned to look at Sake, and put her finger to her lips. Sake nodded in understanding.

In the distance they saw their prey. The two fangirls could not help the small smiles that appeared on their faces as they gazed upon their lust objects. "He's so hott..." murmured Sake. Aldawen nodded.

"Mine's hotter," she said. Sake rolled her eyes.

They continued to creep down the hallway, watching as the Twins were kicked out of Elrond's study. And then the fangirls attacked.

Aldawen pounced on Elrohir, Sake on Elladan. A vicious battle ensued, involving hair-pulling, scratching, and-

"Ouch! No biting!" Elladan cried.

Finally, the Twins fought free, and raced down the hall screaming hysterically. Elrond emerged from his study and looked down at the two fangirls who were sitting cross-legged on the floor grinning foolishly.

"Ai, Eru, what have I done?" muttered Elrond. "I've created monsters!"

"Who are you talking to?" asked Sake curiously, looking up at the Elf-Lord.

"Oh... No one," Elrond said, shaking his head. "You two run along now and try not to get into trouble."

"Yesh m'lord!" Sake said, and she and Aldawen scampered off down the hall in search of the Twins.

Elrond sighed. He now knew how Aldawen and Sake were affected, and he decided to go find Sprite and see how she was doing.

At that moment, Sprite was standing on a veranda near Figwit's room, her head nestled against her Figgys shoulder.

"I care about you so much." Figwit murmured in her ear, putting his arms around her. "It's not that I don't want you to talk to Legolas, but I just don't want to lose you."

"I understand," Sprite murmured. "And with Aldawen and Sake this way, it's understandable that you'd be nervous."

"IN THE NAME OF ILUVATAR, MAY I ASK WHAT IS GOING ON???" shouted Elrond, striding down the hall towards them. Sprite and Figwit jumped away from each other, the froze, like deer caught in the headlights.

"Well, my lord..." stammered Figwit, his head slightly bowed as etiquette demanded. "I... I thought you knew that Sprite and I were an object..."

"But... but," Elrond said, stammering as well. "That potion I made... It worked for Aldawen and Sake... But Sprite... You and Sprite..." He paused, taking in the sight of Sprite and Figwit staring at him open-mouthed. The effect of what he had just said sunk in. He took a deep breath. "I'm screwed, aren't I?" he said.

"I'd say..." Figwit replied, nodding. But Sprite showed far less restraint.

"YOU!!!" she exploded. "YOU DID THAT TO THE GIRLS??? I WAS WONDERING WHY I WASN'T GETTING DRUNK OFF THAT 'WINE' BUT ALL ALONG IT WAS REALLY JUST A POTION TO MAKE ME TURN AGAINT MY FIGGY!!! YOU... YOU ORGANISM!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT??? HAVE YOU SEEN LEOGLAS??? HIS HEART IS BROKEN!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?? YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT LORD THAT YOU DESERVE TO BE IN CHARGE OF WHO WE FALL IN LOVE WITH AS WELL?? I'M NOT HALF AS ANNOYING AS ALDAWEN AND SAKE; WHY SHOULDN'T I BE IN LOVE WITH FIGWIT?? IF I COULD ONLY-"

"Sprite, calm down," Figwit said soothingly, laying his hand on her shoulder.

"CALM DOWN?? WHY SHOULD I-" She stopped and took a deep breath. Turning to Elrond, she said very sweetly, "My Lord. Would you mind telling us why you did this?"

"I... I dunno," Elrond said, looking at the floor. There was a malice in Sprite's voice that he did not like at all.

"C'mon Figgy." Sprite said disdainfully, and she led her Elfie-boy down the hall. They went into Figwit's room, closed the door, and then Sprite burst into tears.

"Sprite!" cried Figwit, surprised. "Whatever is the matter?"

"That idiot!" sobbed Sprite. "He just makes me so mad! It's his fault! All of it!" Then she entirely broke down, and Figwit drew her into his embrace.

"Shh... shh," he murmured, rocking her back and forth. "It's alright..."

After a while Sprite calmed down. "We need to go tell Legolas," she said, sniffling a little. Figwit agreed.

So they set out once more in the direction of Legolas' room. Figwit knocked on the door. Legolas opened the door and greeted them jovially.

"Come in, come in!" he said merrily. "What is it?"

"Legolas, we need to tell you something." Sprite said.

Legolas took in Sprites tear-streaked face and the solemn look in Figwit's eyes and grimaced. He was not in any mood for bad news at the moment.

"Could it wait?" he asked, tentatively. "I'm not in any mood for bad news at the moment." Sprite rolled her eyes.

"Too bad," she snapped. "Now, here's the truth: Elrond-"

"Wait a moment Sprite." Figwit said. Then to Legolas, "You may want to sit down." Staring at him, Legolas sat down on his bed.

"Ok," said Sprite. "Starting over... Elrond made a potion and he gave it to me, Aldawen and Sake, and that's why they fell for the Twins."

"So why didn't it work on you?" asked Legolas.

"Because-" Sprite stopped. Why hadn't it worked on her? "I have no idea," she finally said.

"What we do know is that Elrond is up to something," Figwit said. Legolas nodded thoughtfully.

"But what?"

Elrond, meanwhile, was in his study banging his head against the wall. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow," he said, every time his forehead came in contact with the wall. "I. Am. An. I. Di. Ot. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow..."

"Father, what in Middle-earth are you doing?" asked Arwen, entering the study.

"Banging my head against the wall," Elrond stated matter-of-factly. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow-"

"Why?" asked Arwen, witheringly.

"Because I'm an idiot," Elrond explained wisely, still banging his head.

"Father, CUT IT OUT!!!" shouted Arwen yanking Elrond away from the wall. "What did you do this time?"

"I divulged the secrets of my evil plot to the victims of my evil plot," said Elrond. "Now go away."

Arwen groaned with exasperation and left the study with a huff. Elrond took a deep breath. The next part of his plan had better work...

Chapter Five