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Chapter Nine
The Elfie-Boys
Home
Acknowledgements
About the Elfie-Boys
The Others
The Stories
Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle
The Elfie-Boys and Their BIG Egos
Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM
Rogue's Gallery
Guestbook
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Contact Me

In which alot of useful informaion is dispensed.

After a few minutes of hasty packing, Sprite, Sake, and Aldawen were on the road once more. Surprisingly, it had not taken much to convince Sake and Aldawen to go with Sprite. They seemed to be more themselves, maybe the effects of the potion was finally wearing off by itself...

"I do say, this is an ungodly hour to be traveling, is it not, eh what?" Caligula said stuffily. He was highly annoyed at having being woken up in the middle of the night to carry two bewitched fangirls into a dark wood with no protection except a girl who knew some Elvish fighting techniques. Sort of.

"Shut up, Caligula." Sprite said, but she smiled. It was good to be on the road again! She almost felt like humming a la the donkey in Shrek!

They rode in silence for about an hour, and Sprite was just about to ask the girls how they were doing when she heard a gasp. Sprite turned in her saddle and saw Sake and Aldawen staring at each other.

"Are you guys ok?" Sprite asked.

"Yeah." Sake sighed. "I miss my E-dan."

A few minutes later Sprite heard Sake and Aldawen whispering to each other. She turned once more.

"What are you two talking about?" she asked. Sake and Aldawen looked at her innocently.

"Nothing." Aldawen said. "When am I gonna see Elrohir again? I miss him!"

Sprite sighed. So much for the effects of the potion wearing off!

Sprite could hear Sake and Aldawen whispering and giggling to each other behind her. This annoyed Sprite; besides that fact that she felt entirely left out, the girls were acting very strangely and Sprite wanted to know what in Mordor they were up to. But of course, it would be useless to ask.

Aw, what the heck. "What are you two up to?" Sprite finally asked, turning once more to look at Sake and Aldawen. The girls looked at her, and then went back to their conversation.

"You knew, of course, that it was useless to ask that question?" Caligula asked.

"Yes, I did, as a matter of fact." snapped Sprite. "Now shut up or I'll start calling you Bob!" Caligula shut up.

Legolas, Figwit, and Seamoose soared over the treetops with Leroy. "So what do we do now?" Legolas asked.

"Go find your fangirls, of course!" Seamoose said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But my fangirls have turned against me!" Legolas said.

"Or so you think!" Seamoose cried dramatically.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Figwit asked, exasperated that he had not yet said anything in this chapter.

"I have no idea." Seamoose said, and grinned. But the fanboy was put off. He had hoped to form a strong bond of friendship with Figwit, O Mighty Figwit, Elfie-Boy Supreme. But things didn't seem to be going well at all!

They flew in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Then Figwit spotted something.

"What's that down there?" he asked, pointing.

"That," said Seamoose, shuddering, "is the Valley of the Mary-Sues*. We do not want to go there." Leroy quickly flew away from the dreaded valley.

A little while later, they saw something down below them moving through the trees.

"Fly lower, so we can see what it is." Legolas said. And lo, and they lowered their altitude, they saw that the movement below them was made by three girls riding a horse and a two-humped camel.

"It's Sprite!" Figwit cried, and Leroy flew lower.

Sprite sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair. It was late, she has tired, and plus, she thought she might be coming down with something. He head felt rather stuffy...

Suddenly, Sake and Aldawen screamed. Sprite looked up and saw a huge dark shape shooting towards them from the sky above.

"Oh, shoot." thought Sprite, she reached for her sword, prepared to fend off any attacks from possible Elfie-Ninjas.

"It's ok, Sprite!" shouted a voice from the shape. "It's us!!"

"Figgy?" said Sprite, her voice shaky.

"Oh no, it's him!" shrieked Aldawen in disgust.

"Ew, Legolas, go away!" Sake said angrily. "Why do you keep following us? I'm gonna get a restraining order, I swear!"

The magic carpet landed, and three figures got off. One of them was a young man Sprite didn't recognize.

"Greetings, Lady Sprite." the young man said, bowing, and kissing Sprite's hand. "It is an honour to meet the Lady that the Mighty One holds in such high esteem."

"The Mighty One?" asked Sprite, looking at Figwit.

"That's me," Figwit said. "And this is Seamoose. He's my fanboy, and he saved me and Legolas from the Elfie-Ninjas." Figwit came over and hugged Sprite. "Are you ok?" he asked. "You look kind of pale..."

"A night in a dungeon will do that to you!" snapped Sprite, then her eyes widened and she slapped a hand over her mouth. How could she speak in such a way to her dear Figgy?

"Sprite?" said Figwit, his voice full of honest concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing you'd care about!" Sprite said turning her back on Figwit an crossing her arms in front of her chest. But a voice was screaming inside her head. 'NO NO NO!!!' the voice screamed. 'WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON??? Figgy, I love you, don't look so sad!!'

Now, doesn't that look familiar?

Sake and Aldawen were getting off of Caligula.

"Oh, shit." breathed Sake. "Not her, too."

"What did you just say?" asked Legolas incredulously.

"Uh... nothing, you idiot! You're so nosy, Gods!" Sake snapped. She and Aldawen turned their backs on the Elfie-boys.

"Sake, please!" Legolas pleaded. "I miss you! And Aldawen, please stop acting like this!" Aldawen and Sake exchanged glances.

"Ok," said Aldawen, and she and Sake turned back to Legolas. "This is getting boring, anyway."

"WHAT?!" Legolas cried.

"Well..." Sake said, hesitating only slightly. "It's like this: The effects of the potion wore off the second time we left Rivendell, a few hours ago. But we decided to keep acting as though it still had a hold of us. It was just to annoy Sprite, and then we wanted to teach Leggy a lesson for abandoning us. But Sprite..." Sake's voice trailed off, and they all looked over at Sprite, who was shamelessly flirting with Seamoose.

"Ah... A little help here?" said Seamoose, who was standing rigid with terror.

"I'll help you." purred Sprite, putting her hand on Seamoose's arm.

"No!" screamed Seamoose. "Back, back, thou vile beast of Morgoth!"

"Oh, no!" groaned Aldawen. "She's fallen for Seamoose!" Figwit just stared, his face twisted with grief and pain.

"Oh, Figwit." Sake said. "I'm sorry..." She lay her head on Legolas' shoulder, and Legolas put his arm around her waist.

"One thing I've been wondering," Legolas said. "If Sprite had some of Elrond's potion too, then why did it take so long to take a hold of her?"

"I have an idea!" squeaked Seamoose from above them. He had climbed into a pine tree to avoid Sprite. Problem was, she was just climbing up after him. "Why don't we stop discussing the reasons and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT???"

"Why do you recoil? I am no thief!" Sprite called to Seamoose, who only climbed higher.

"You are not yourself!" Seamoose said to her.

"Maybe..." Aldawen said, watching Sprite and Seamoose with a flicker of amusement in her eyes. "Well, Sprite had way more of the potion than Sake or me, so maybe the way the potion works is that the more you have, the longer it takes to have an effect."

"That makes no sense what so ever!" Seamoose shouted from the top of the pine tree.

"I'm amazed that he can hear us from all the way up there." Legolas muttered, while Sake shouted up to Seamoose, "A lot of things haven't been making sense lately!"

"Um..." Figwit said in a flat, dejected tone of voice. "I... I think I'll just be going back to Rivendell."

"Figwit, no, stay here!" Sake cried, breaking away from Legolas and running up to Figwit. "There's another thing: If Sake had so much of the potion that it just took longer for it to have an effect on her, than maybe the effects won't last as long, either! You want to be here when it wears off, don't you??"

"Not really." muttered Figwit, getting onto Sprite's horse.

"HEY, THAT'S MY HORSE, YOU *&!!@#%$*&)(*^#$ IDIOT!!!" Sprite shouted from the tree.

"Figwit, it's not her fault she's acting this way!" Sake pleaded. "You know that!"

"Fine." Figwit said, getting off of the horse. "Fine! I don't care what I do now. Nothing matters."

Up in the tree, Sprite grabbed Seamoose's ankle. "NOOOOO!!!" the fanboy screamed. "Aunty Em! Aunty Em! Save me, save me!" Sprite tugged on his ankle, and they both toppled out of the tree. Leroy made sure they had a soft padding when they hit the ground. Seamoose ran and hid behind Figwit.

"Seamoose, come back!" Sprite cried pitifully. "I wuv 'oo!"

"Well, when you put it that way, NO!!" Seamoose shouted, peeking around Figwit's shoulder. The Elf sighed.

"Well, now what are we going to do?" asked Aldawen.
 
* The Valley of the Mary-sues is a minor location in another one of my fics, "LOTR, and Matrix, and Star Wars, Oh My!" I have not yet decided if it will return in that fic (I've only mentioned it once so far) but it just might! BOUNCY LIVES!!!!

Chapter Ten