Synopsis: When we last left our heros, Figwit was going out in search of Legolas so that they could
settle once and for all who was the better Elf. Legolas was filing his nails.
Legolas: 8 Figwit: 1 ...and Glorfindel: 1, but he
didn't want anything to do with this.
Figwit: "Oh, no! I only have one vote! Oh, well, at least one
reader likes me."
Author: "Sorry to burst your bubble, Figgy, but I voted as well, and I gave one
vote to both you and Leggikins because I couldn't decide. No readers have voted for you so far!"
Author: "May the best Elf win."
Figwit strode through Rivendell swiftly, stopping only when he came to Legolas' room. Figwit knocked on
the door. "Come in!" he heard Legolas say. The Elf entered.
"You!" cried Legolas, leaping up from
his seat, his emery board falling to the floor with an ominous clatter. "What are you doing here????"
"Ah, well, I
thought we should put aside our disputes and be friends!" Figwit said, smiling.
"Uh..." said Legolas dumbly, like a
"Fool!" said Figwit. "We must settle this once and for all! We must risk life and limb in a final battle
that shall decide which one of us has better hair...and who is a better Elf over all!"
"Oh, yeah, I was thinking we
may want to do something along those line," Legolas said.
"Well, I thought of it first!" said Figwit.
did!" protested Legolas.
"No, I did!"
"No you didn't, I did!"
"I thought of it first!"
did not!" said Figwit, incase the readers had lost track of who was talking.
"Daddy!" shouted Figwit accusingly. There was silence.
"Who is your
Daddy, anyway?" asked Legolas after a moment.
"I have no idea," said Figwit. After a pause, he added, "But I though
of it first."
"No, I did!" said Legolas.
This went on for quite some time, until both Elves ran out of breath.
"Ok, so both
of us thought of it first," Legolas panted. "Shall we start the battle already?"
"I'm ready when you're ready," Figwit
"And I'm ready when you're ready," Legolas said.
"So are you ready?" asked Figwit.
said Legolas. "Are you?"
"Yup," said Figwit.
"We'll lets go," Legolas said.
"Sure," said Figwit. "Let's
The two Elves stood staring at each other for a moment. "Um..." said Legolas. "Are we going to start this
"I was waiting for you to start," Figwit said.
"What a coincidense, I was waiting for you!" said Legolas.
"You make the first move."
"No, you can go first," Figwit said.
"No, no, it's quite alright with me if you go
first," urged Legolas.
"Please, I want you to go first!" Figwit said.
"CAN WE GET THIS BATTLE STARTED ALREADY?!?!?!?!"
shouted the frustrated Readers.
Not wanting to lose anymore fangirls, Legolas darted towards Figwit, his hands outstretched.
Deftly, he placed his hands upon Figwit's head and moved them around quickly.
"My hair!" screamed Figwit. "You're messing
up my gorgeous hair!!"
"Ha ha!" said Legolas, and stepped back to observe his handiwork. Figwit's hair looked worse
than it did when he got up in the morning. It was full of tangles and knots, hardly desirable.
"Idiot!" said Figwit,
peering into Legolas' mirror. "Look what you've done! I'll bet...omygosh!!! Is that a SPLIT END?!?!?!?!"
Figwit's face began to turn red. "That is it, buster!" he said. "You touch the hair, beware!!!"
grabbed a flowerpot off Legolas' windosill and threw it at the other Elf's head. It shattered, spewing dirt into Legolas'
perfect blonde hair. Figwit ran foward and rubbed the dirt even more into his opponent's hair.
"Dirt!" shrieked Legolas.
"You got dirt in my hair!!" He clawed at his head, trying to get the dirt out. Suddenly, he stopped, and looked with dread
down at his fingernails. Gasp and horror! In the process of brushing the dirt out of his hair, Legolas had gotten dirt underneath
"My nails! My beautiful nails!" Legolas' screams could be heard all the way in Rohan. Legolas burst
into tears. He curled up on the floor in a fetal position, and rocked back and forth, whimpering, "No...my precious nails...they're
Figwit watched Legolas like this for a few moments, an amused smile on his face. Then he
turned to go back to his room to fix his hair.
But as he went, Legolas watched him go, malice brewing in his heart.
Figwit would pay, oh yes he would...
Winner of Round One: Figwit