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Chapter Thirteen
The Elfie-Boys
Home
Acknowledgements
About the Elfie-Boys
The Others
The Stories
Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle
The Elfie-Boys and Their BIG Egos
Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM
Rogue's Gallery
Guestbook
Links
My Page
Contact Me

In which the fic comes to an end.

Sprite, Figwit, Legolas, Sake, Aldawen, and the Twins had to take Arwen's wrath. To put it lightly, she was a bit upset at their shrinking of Elrond.

"You IDIOTS!!!!" she yelled at them. "HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?? HE'S YOUR LORD!!!"

"He's not my Lord." Seamoose pointed out. "I'm just a guest here." Then he ran and hid behind Figwit when Arwen turned her fiery gaze upon him, and The Author changed Seamoose's status from "guest" to "resident".

"Ok, now he's my lord!" squeaked Seamoose, while Figwit tried to hide behind him to get away from Arwen and her glare of death.

Elrond, meanwhile, was still unconscious in his little box.

Glorfindel thought that the whole incident was incredibly funny, and was highly amused to see the great and noble (and naughty) Lord of Rivendell six inches tall and in a little plastic box. "When he wakes up, he is going to be pissed!" Glorfindel said. Leroy was inclined to agree. The carpet was amazed that he had once served this Elf Lord, who had done so much wrong. But now Leroy was content to listen to Seamoose talk about past romances, like the one with Helga, a Swedish masseuse. Seamoose had been deeply in love with Helga, and had even proposed, but Helga had to decline; she didn't think her husband would approve.

So anyway, Arwen sent them all to their rooms for being naughty. Elrohir was careful to take Elrond with him so that Arwen couldn't change her father back to his normal height.

In Figwit's room, Sprite seemed quite agitated as she paced. "What's up?" Figwit asked, shuffling the deck of cards he had just been playing solitaire with.

"The sky." Sprite muttered absent-mindedly, looking out the window. Figwit rolled his eyes and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Women!"

When Jailor Arwen finally let them come out of their rooms, Sprite hurried to the front gate of Rivendell. Just as she arrived, a white wagon rolled in. It had the words "Ye Olde FedEx" painted on the sides of it. Some Delivery-Elfies jumped out of the wagon, and pulled out a rather large box.

"Hello, ma'am, are you the lady that ordered this?" one of the Delivery-Elfies asked.

"Yes," said Sprite. "Follow me."

She led the Delivery-Elfies to Figwit's room, where, huffing and puffing, they set the box down. One of the Delivery-Elfies knocked on the door, and Figwit opened it.

"May I ask-?" he said, looking at the box.

"Hello, are you Mr. Fig Wit?" one of the Delivery-Elfies asked.

"Yes, but I don't see-"

"Could you sign here, Mr. Wit?" said the Delivery-Elfie, holding out a clipboard and a ball-point pen.

"What the heck is this?" asked Figwit, beginning to get impatient.

"Its from Silverleaf Bros., Makers of Fine Liquor Cabinets Since the Second Age," the Delivery-Elfie explained. "This antique was ordered special delivery by one Sprite A. Fangirl." He patted the side of the box.

Figwit looked out into the hallway beyond the box, and saw Sprite standing there, smiling slightly. Figwit grinned and took the clipboard. "Ok," he said, signing on the line indicated, "Thanks!" He helped the Delivery-Elfies carry the box into his room, and then bade them farewell. After the Delivery-Elfies left, Figwit and Sprite unpacked the liquor cabinet.

"It's a very old Silverleaf Bros. Original." Sprite said. "I ordered it for you because I knew you have always wanted your own liquor cabinet. Except the surprise was almost ruined the other day when you caught me with the catalogue!"

"Thank you, my darling Sprite!" Figwit said, hugging the fangirl. "It's perfect, I love it!"

Sprite pulled away, frowning. "What's that sound?" she asked. Figwit listened, and could hear, distantly, the sound of shouting and... growling?

"It sounds like a fight..." he said. "Let's go check it out!" Sprite agreed, and she and Figwit left his room. They followed the sounds of the fight, and, as they drew closer, began to make out words.

"He's MINE!"

"NO, you bumble-headed snoot! HE'S MINE!!"

"You dirty little thief! He's SO mine!"

"MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!!" Then The Author noticed with amusement that if you looked at the last line correctly, you could see the rapper Eminem's name repeated over and over. Just to dispense any rumours that may arise from this, The Author hates Eminem with a passion!!

"It sounds like Aldawen and Sake!" Sprite said, and she and Figwit quickened their pace.

They emerged into the courtyard, and saw Sake and Aldawen involved in a vicious fight that involved kicking, biting, hair-pulling, and verbal abuse. Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir were standing off to one side, watching and looking extremely amused.

"What's going on?" asked Figwit, going over to them.

"They're fighting over who gets to keep me after this fic is over." Legolas explained.

"Eru, I wish I had some popcorn!" Elladan said.

"He was mine first!" Aldawen shrieked. "I have first rights!"

"We wantss him!" Sake hissed. "He's oursss!"

"HE'SSS MINE!!"

"MY OWN!"

"MY...PRECIOUSSS!!!" And with that final statement, both Lego-lusters fell in an exhausted heap on the ground. Legolas walked over to them and squatted down next to them.

"Hey," he said. "You know, I'm flattered that you guys are fighting over me like this, but do you think you could wrap it up? Dr. Took, Medicine Hobbit is on soon!"

Aldawen and Sake looked up at Legolas. Then they looked at each other, looked back at Legolas, and...

"Bad idea, Leg-boy." said Elrohir, shaking his head, as Sake and Aldawen pounced on Legolas. Together, they pinned him to the ground, and proceeded to fight over him some more.

"Ok, girls, this has ceased to be funny." Sprite could here Legolas muffled voice, pleading with them. "Please stop... Now... This instant..."

Just then, Seamoose and Leroy came onto the scene. They stood for a second, staring at the chaos in the middle of the courtyard, and then Seamoose turned to Figwit. "Why aren't you guys doing anything about it?" he asked.

"It's amusing." Elrohir replied, shrugging.

Seamoose rolled his eyes. Legolas may be a dumb blonde, but he was still an Incredibly Awesome Canon Character. He went over to Sake and Aldawen. "Ok, ladies, break it up. Break it up," he said, pulling them off of Legolas. Sake and Aldawen immediately attacked Seamoose, yelling things like, "Go away you intruder!" and, "Don't you dare take me away from my Leggy!"

"Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!" Seamoose cried. "Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!"

"Bloody fanboy." muttered Sake, pushing Seamoose to the ground.

"OH, what a give-away!" said Seamoose, jumping up and looking at Sprite, Figwit, and the Twins. "Did you see them repressing me? See, that's what I've been on about-"

"Shut up, Seamoose." Elladan said, and went over to help Legolas to his feet.

"That was... interesting..." said Legolas, rubbing his behind.

"You may want to do something about them." said Sprite, pointing to Aldawen and Sake, who were still looking daggers at each other. "I'd hate to see their friendship disappear in a puff of smoke."

Legolas warily approached his fangirls. "Hey," he said, "Um, girls? Can't you figure something out without trying to kill one another??"

The fangirls jumped, and looked at each other, and looked at Legolas. "Whoa!" said Aldawen, putting her hand on her head. "That was weird!! It was almost as though I had had one of Elrond's potions again!"

"Yeah..." Sake said, shivering. She turned to Legolas. "Sorry about that, Leggy-licious. We'll try and figure something out peacefully." Aldawen nodded.

"I have an idea." said Sprite, coming forward. "What if you do a sort of joint custody thing? Aldawen could get him for one week, then Sake for the next, the Aldawen, etc."

Besides, The Author thought, This is happening way to early. I'm still dragging you all back for another fic!

"That sound like a good idea." said Legolas, much more comfortable with the idea of going with Aldawen or Sake rather than Niko. "What do you say, girls?"

"Um..." said Aldawen. "Ok. Sake?"

"Sure." said Sake. "But I get him first."

"No, I do."

"I do."

"No, I do."

"No, I do!"

"No, I do!!"

Sprite took a coin out of her pocket and looked at Legolas. "Sake, heads; Aldawen, tails." she said. Legolas nodded, and Sprite flipped the coin. "Tails." Sprite said, and turned to Sake and Aldawen. "Aldawen gets him first." she said loudly.

"Yay!" said Aldawen, and flung her arms around Legolas' neck while Sake sulked in the background.

Sprite and Figwit left the courtyard. On the way back to Figwit's room, lo and behold, Taraboriel and Mith-amrun ran up to Sprite, each one holding a wallet. "Sprite!" they said simultaneously.

"What?" she asked.

"How much will you take for Figwit?" asked Taraboriel, taking a wad of cash out of her wallet.

"I'll give you more then she will!" Mith-amrun said, pushing Taraboriel out of the way while waving a larger sum of money. The two girls began bickering over who would get the Elf, and Sprite rolled her eyes. She linked arms with Figwit, and together they went back to his room for a drink from his new liquor cabinet.

Later, Sprite and Figwit were standing on a veranda, watching the sunset. "Sprite," said Figwit suddenly, "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Hm?" said Sprite, her head nestled against Figwit's shoulder.

"When Sake and Aldawen were first under the effects of the potion, and you and I were trying to cheer Legolas up, you told him something that cheered him up right away. What did you tell him?"

"Oh..." said Sprite, her cheeks reddening. "Well, uh, see... I... kinda had a crush on him before I met you, and... that's what I told him, and... well, he seemed to like that..."

"I see." said Figwit.

"But don't worry!" said Sprite, turning and putting her arms around Figwit's neck and kissing his cheek. "I love you now more than anything in the world!"

"I know." Figwit said, giving the fangirl a little hug, and they stood contentedly together on the balcony looking into the setting sun, watching the stars appear one by one.
 
THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!