Round Eight
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Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle
The Elfie-Boys and Their BIG Egos
Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM
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Synopsis: Legolas: 3 Figwit: 4 The setting has changed to Mirkwood, but will soon change back.


Reader Votes:

Legolas: 55 Figwit: 52

Legolas: "Phew, I'm still ahead! I rock!!"

Aldawen: "Yay!!"

Sprite: "NOOO!"

Figwit: "Why can't we just give peace a chance??"

Legolas: "...That was unexpected..."

Figwit: "I take it that means no?"

Legolas: "Damn strait."

Figwit: *hangs his head*

Sprite: *hugs Figwit*

Author: *sigh* "On to Round Eight..."


Round Eight

Needless to say, Sprite and Figwit were a bit sore from falling onto the stables. "Eh, c'est la vie," Sprite said, shrugging. "Hey, Figgy-poo, what say we go for a ride in the moonlight?"

"Sure!" said Figwit. They got down off the stables, and went into the stables. There they fetched two horses. One was named Peace and the other was named Love. Figwit and Sprite rode joyfully through the moonlight, and arrived at Rivendell after about 20 minutes, which made no sense what so ever. Oh well.

"Um..." said Sprite. "We forgot Merry and Pippin..."

"Oh, yeah," said Figwit. They rode back to Mirkwood and fetched the two drunk hobbits, whose drunken endeavours would probably boost the rating of this fic up a notch or two if they were posted here. Then the four of them rode back to Rivendell.

"So..." Figwit said, once they had safely locked Merry and Pippin in their room. "What are we going to do now?" Suddenly, the two of the caught sight of Sake, who was sitting sadly in a corner. She was still bald, and still green.

"Sake, what's wrong?" asked Sprite.

"Cute Elfie went away and left Sake behind," Sake said, pouting.

"Oh, Eru, she's speaking in third person, please tell me she's not turning into Gollum," Figwit said.

"She isn't," Sprite assured him. "She's not using the letter 's' enough. Sake," Sprite turned back to the rabid fangirl. "Why don't you go amuse yourself with this?" She handed Sake several bottles of green dye. "It's Legolas's favorite color!"

Sake brightened up and scampered off with the green dye.

"Sprite, you're a genious!" Figwit said admiringly. Sprite grinned.

Needless to say, when Legolas came back to Rivendell, he walked into his room and found that all of his possessions had been dyed a bright green.

"@#!!)(%^*&?$!!" Legolas cried. "FIGWIT!!!"

"Cute Elfie is back!" cried Sake.

"Sake!" said Legolas. "Were you here? Who did it? Who dyed all my stuff green?? Was it Figwit?? It was Figwit, wasn't it??"

"Sake did it!" said Sake happily. "Cute Elfie likes green. Sake dyed Cute Elfie's stuff green for him!"

"Where did she get the dye?" Aldawen wrote this on a pad of paper and showed it to Legolas, as she had not yet regained her voice.

"Vampire Elfie gave it to Sake," said Sake.

"Vampire Elfie??" said Legolas, dumbfounded.

"Figwit," Aldawen wrote. "Vampire Elfie is Figwit. He looks like a vampire"

"FIGWIT!!!" shouted Legolas. "Oh, man, when I get my hands on him..."

"Go get 'im, Legolas!" wrote Aldawen happily.

Legolas charged down the hallway to Figwit's room, a vessle of wrath and anger. He pounded on Figwit's door. Figwit opened it.

"Oh, hello, Legolas," Figwit said pleasently. "How are you?"

"!!" shouted Legolas. "First you make my Kindly Reader lose her voice, and now you make my rabid fangirl dye all my stuff green!!"

"Actually," Figwit said, "technically, Sprite was the one who made Sake dye your stuff green."

"Hey!" said Sprite.

"Ah, I'm just telling the truth!" Figwit protested.

"Argh!" cried Legolas, ignoring all of this. "It just makes me wanna say...wanna say... uh... thanks, man."

"Now, now, let's not-" Figwit began. He stopped. "What?!" he said, when Legolas' words sunk in."

"Aldawen was getting really annoying," Legolas said. "Now she can't talk. Yay!"

"Hey!" said Aldawen, coming up from behind Legolas.

"Wha-? Huh?" said Legolas. "I thought you lost your voice!"

"Elrond gave me some cough medicine," Aldawen said, her eyes glittering dangerously.

"Um," said Legolas. "Uh... I... um..."

"Yes, go on," said Aldawen. Figwit and Sprite, meanwhile, had pulled up chairs and were watching them and eating popcorn.

"Well, what I really mean to say is..." Legolas said. "Uh... Ididn'tmeanitwhenIsaidyouwereannoying?"

"Hm," said Aldawen. "Alright."

"Anyway, Figwit," Legolas continued, turing back to the other Elf. "I really do like green, and I like what Sake did to my room. Thanks."

"Yur wulcm," said Figwit through a mouthful of popcorn.

"Oh, speaking of Sake," Aldawen said, "Elrond made this formula to remove dye and restore hair. Sake is taking a bath in it right now."

"Not anymore," said Sake, walking down the hallway towards them, drying her hair with a towel. "Gods, that stuff works like a charm!"

"Hey!" said Legolas, seeing Sake in her true form for the first time. "You're hott!" Sake grinned, and Aldawen's jaw dropped.

"Well, Figwit," Legolas said. "What say we call it a draw? Truce?" He held out his hand to Figwit.

"Truce," said Figwit, and took Legolas' hand.

BZZT! Incidentally, Figwit had one of those doohickeys that sends and electric shock to the person you shake hands with. "Ha ha!" said Figwit. Aw, come one, you didn't think it would really end with them making up and being friends?

"Why you little-!" Legolas said, and lunged at Figwit.

"Alright!" said Sake, and she and Aldawen joined Sprite to watch the fight.

There was hair pulling, eye-poking, finger-bighting... "Hey, share some of that pocorn!" Aldawen said. Sprite passed her the tub.

"You stick your finger there again and it'll meet the same fate as Frodo's!" Figwit snapped.

"Boys, boys!" Elrond said, appearing. "Break it up!" He pulled the Elfie- boys apart and stood them on their feet. "You have both been very naughty," said Elrond, addressing them. "And I think that this has gone on far to long. No more fighting in my house! Now go to your rooms and think about what you have done!"

"Yes, Mister Elrond sir," the Elfie-boys muttered, and dragged their feet tho their respective rooms.

"Hey!" Aldawen said. "It wasn't supposed to end that way! Leggy was supposed to win!"

"Oh, bug off!" Elrond said, and marched off down the hall.

"That was... interesting," Sprite said. "I never thought it would end that way."

"Yeah," said Sake. "I always thought it would end with Legolas winning in a cloud of glory."

"I guess we can't have everything in life," said Aldawen.

"C'est la vie!" Sprite said, and the three fangirls walked off down the hall together.

"Well, that certainly worked out nicely, didn't it Leroy?" Elrond said as he sat beside the fire in his room. "Just the way it was supposed to."

Leroy purred.

Legolas, Figwit, Glorfindel, Elrond, Thranduil, Phil, Elladan, Elrohir, Gildor, Erestor, Galdor, Haldir, Rumil, Orophin, Feanor, Cirdan, Celeborn, Maedhros, Finarfin, Fingol, Turin, and all the other wonderful Elfie-boys! Take your pick who the winner is!!
THE END!!!!!!!!!!

(abrupt end)