Chapter Two
The Elfie-Boys
About the Elfie-Boys
The Others
The Stories
Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle
The Elfie-Boys and Their BIG Egos
Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM
Rogue's Gallery
My Page
Contact Me

In which Arwen gets ticked off and Legolas gets a rather nasty surprise.

Elrond watched in delight as the fangirls drank the potion he had prepared for them. He had made it to look and taste like wine, but its real purpose was much different... Of course, Elrond was enjoying the opportunity of drinking real wine. He had stolen the key to the wine cellars from Sprite while she was in a drunken stupor, and he was very pleased with himself.

Sprite was drinking so much of the potion that Elrond was afraid there would be none left for the other girls.

"Sprite, slow down," he said to her. "I'm low on my anti-hang over ingredients."

"That's the funny thing, though," Sprite remarked, eyes perfectly focused. "I'm on my 23rd glass, and I'm not drunk yet. Very unusual." And she downed the 23rd glass with practiced ease.

Down in the courtyard below them, Elladan, Elrohir, and Glorfindel were doing some practice sparring. Glorfindel was taking on both Twins at once.

"Hey, Glorfindel, do that again!" Sprite called, referring to a move he had just done. "It was cool!"

"Yes, m'lady!" Glorfindel called.

"Hey, Sake..." Aldawen said. "Have you ever noticed how incredibly hott the twins are?"

"You're right..." Sake replied, staring down with a sudden lust in her eyes.

"Are you guys alright?" Sprite said. "I thought you two liked Legolas..." Sprite looked vaguely insulted when she said this. "But anyway, Glorfindel is a way better fighter than the twins." She turned back and continued to watch him.

Elrond cheered inwardly. His plan was working!!!

"You know, I don't think I want anymore of this," Aldawen said, putting down her third glass, which was half empty. "I don't care if Sprite isn't drunk yet, maybe she gets drunk so much that she's immune to it now."

"I agree," said Sake, setting down her second glass. "Let's go down and talk to the twins."

"Yeah!" Aldawen said with sudden enthusiasm. The two of them hurried down into the courtyard below.

"I'd better go after them," Sprite said to Elrond. "To make sure they don't do anything rash..." Her voice trailed off as she glanced at the figures down below.

'Oh, yes,' Elrond thought. 'I'm sure you really just want to be with Glorfindel.' He walked away, whistling, the key to the wine cellars conveniently in his pocket.

Meanwhile, Legolas and Figwit were riding through a sun-lit wood atop their horses. "Legolas, how are you doing?" Figwit asked in a concerned voice.

"I'm...getting over it..." Legolas said, his face paleer than normal. Suddenly he broke down. "Oh, Figwit, it was horrible! She called me her teddy bear, and her fuzzy wuzzy! The cuteness of it all... I thought I was gonna die!"

He was referring, of course, to an incident that had happened soon after they had left Rivendell. A rabid fangirl by the name of Niko had jumped out of the bushes screaming something about 'authors', and 'promises', and 'presents'. She had tackled Legolas and dragged him away before Figwit could do anything to help him.

"Apparently she had mistaken me for some character in a fan fic," Legolas told Figwit. "The author had promised Niko the character at the end of the fic." He shuddered again.

"You're lucky you got away," Figwit said solemnly.

"Got away? Lucky?" Legolas cried. "I barely escaped with my life! I was only able to slip away because she had fainted and appeared to be drowning in a puddle of her own drool!" Figwit nodded sympathetically.

"Let's go back to Rivendell," Legolas said. "I need to see Aldawen again." He sighed wistfully, and Figwit understood. As for himself, he missed Sprite, and was glad to be heading back so soon.

Unluckily for the Elfie-boys, though, their fangirls (at least Legolas's) were behaving very strangely...

"Hi, E-dan!" Sake said sweetly, giving a little wave and batting her eyelashes. Elladan blinked. Elrond, of course, had not let any of them in on his little plan, because Elladan, Elrohir, and Glorfindel never would have stood for it.

"Um, hi..." Elladan said, and Sake giggled.

"Elrohir, you're hott." Aldawen said. "Very, very hott."

"Well, yeah, sparring is really a physical workout..." Elrohir caught sight of the look on Aldawen's face. "...Oh. That kind of hott," he said, and gulped.

Sprite, meanwhile, and Glorfindel, were having a rather different conversation.

"So, you hold the sword like this..." Sprite said, "and swing like this?"

"No, no," Glorfindel told her, correcting her grip. "You need to hold it like this," he said, demonstrating with his own sword. "and remember to plant you feet in the position I showed you."

"Oh, yeah," Sprite said, grinning, and shuffled her feet into the correct position. With Figwit being a bit of a priss, Sprite had not had a chance to learn any Elvish fighting techniques, but now she had a chance for Glorfindel to show her the basics.

"Say, what's up with Aldawen and Sake?" asked Glorfindel, staring at the two fangirls on the other side of the courtyard.

"No idea," Sprite said, concentrating on her and invisible opponent and swinging her sword. "What're they doing?"

"They appear to be flirting will Elladan and Elrohir," Glorfindel replied. Sprite glanced over at the twins and dropped her sword.

"Be careful with that!" cried Glorfindel as the sword hit the ground, dangerously near Sprite's feet, but Sprite was paying no attention. She was busy staring at Aldawen and Sake who had backed the Twins into a corner.

"By the Valar, they are flirting!" she finally said. "I wonder what brought that on?"

"SPRITE!" shouted Arwen appearing on the terrace above them.

"Uh-oh, Arwen's pissed," Glorfindel said.

"Yeah?" asked Sprite, looking up at the enraged Elven princess.

"DID YOU GIVE MY FATHER THE KEY TO THE WINE CELLARS???" Arwen shouted, her eyes blazing with anger.

"Uh, no, it's right..." Sprite reached into the pocket where she had put the key the night before. "Hey, where'd it go?"

"Somehow my father got a hold of it," Arwen said icily. "And now he's extremely drunk and babbling some nonsense about a love potion and how wonderfully it worked."

"Oh..." Sprite said. "I'm so sorry, Arwen. He must have taken it last night when I passed out."

"Hope with all you heart that you're telling the truth, fangirl." Arwen said in a dark tone. "Because if you're lying..." She trailed off menacingly, and stomped away. Sprite sighed, and turned toward Glorfindel.

"I swear, I didn't give it to him," she said.

"Oh, I believe you," Glorfindel said. "No one in their right mind would give Elrond the key to the wine cellars."

"I wish someone would explain that..." Sprite muttered. "And I was drunk at the time... Oh, never mind!" She turned her attention to Aldawen and Sake.

The two fangirls were flirting shamelessly with two very frightened Elf princes. Aldawen and Sake hadn't noticed Arwen at all! Sprite sighed, knowing that nothing could get fangirls off of the scent of an Elfie-boy and turned back to Glorfindel.

"Will you show me that move again?" she asked. "I'm not sure I'm doing it right."

"Sure," said Glorfindel. "And with Arwen ticked off, you'll need some sparring skills!" They laughed, and went back to practicing.

At about this moment, Legolas and Figwit were putting their horses in the stables of Rivendell.

"Let's go find our girlies." Figwit said, and Legolas nodded. They walked down the hall, and came across Elrond, lying sprawled on a veranda.

"Um, m'lord, are you ok?" Asked Legolas, kneeling down beside Elrond.

"You 'ave purty hair," Elrond said, smiling foolishly, and hiccupped.

"He's drunk." Legolas said to Figwit, getting back up.

"Let's get out of here..." Figwit said, looking rather scared.

"Agreed!" Legolas said, and they sped off down the hall.

"Byedie bye!" called Elrond after them.

Soon, the Elfie boys came out to the courtyard where the action was happening. "Hey, girls!" said Legolas to Aldawen and Sake, who were talking to Elladan and Elrohir, both of whom looked quite frightened.

"Girls?" repeated Legolas when they didn't answer him.

"What?" said Sake, looking over at Legolas, "Oh, God, it's you!"

"Geez, go away, you weirdo!" Aldawen chimed in. "You're so ugly, you're scaring me." Legolas's jaw dropped, his eyes widening in shock and hurt, and he turned to look at the twins.

"You... Them..." he stammered.

"Legolas, I'm sorry!" Elladan pleaded. "I don't know what happened; it wasn't me!"

"I want my mommy..." Elrohir whimpered as Aldawen began to salivate at him.

Legolas stared at them for a moment and then turned and quickly left the courtyard. Figwit considered going after him, but then he noticed Sprite and Glorfindel sparring on the other side of the courtyard. With a sinking feeling, he walked over to them.

"Um... Sprite...?" he said tentatively.

"Figwit!!" Sprite squealed, dropping her sword and flinging her arms around Figwit's neck.

"Careful with that!" shouted Glorfindel, grabbing her sword before it could hit the ground.

Figwit breathed a sigh of relief and hugged Sprite. "Any idea what Sake and Aldawen are up to?" he asked her. "I think they really hurt Legolas' feelings with what they said. They acted like they hate him now, not to mention the fact they they're suddenly drooling over the twins.." He looked over at the fangirls.

"I don't know," Sprite said, pulling away from Figwit's warm embrace. "Hey, Glorfie's been teaching me some moves, wanna see?"

"Glorfie??" Figwit asked. Glorfindel shrugged. "Uh, sure Sprite," Figwit added. Sprite began fighting with her invisible opponent again.

"Pretty good," Figwit said after studying her for a few moments. "Hey, y'know, I wanna go find Legolas; he seemed pretty upset."

"Oh, sure!" Sprite said, and handed her sword back to Glorfindel. "I think I'll go with you. Bye Glorfie!"

And they left the field, leaving Glorfindel to rescue the Elf princes from where they'd been backed up.

"Ok, why are you calling him 'Glorfie'?" Figwit asked as they walked off.

"I dunno," Sprite said. "It's weird. Instead of getting drunk from all that wine, my head's been feeling a little stuffy. Whatever's gotten to Aldawen and Sake must've rubbed off a bit on me."

"Well, I hope it doesn't rub off on you any more!" Figwit said, glancing down at the brown-haired fangirl.

"Ditto," Sprite replied, frowning. She did not want to abandon her Figgy, not for all the Elvish wine in the world!

Chapter Three