Chapter Eleven
The Elfie-Boys
About the Elfie-Boys
The Others
The Stories
Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle
The Elfie-Boys and Their BIG Egos
Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM
Rogue's Gallery
My Page
Contact Me

In which Elrond is punished!

Sprite walked down a hallway in Rivendell, heading to Figwit's room. It had been three days since she had snapped out of it, and she was quite relieved to be back to normal. She was returning from the library, where she had been researching Elvish methods for torture. During her research, shed found a very interesting book that she wanted to show Figwit. Under her breath, she hummed a little Elvish ditty about seagulls, and quickened her pace. But then she stopped abruptly, surprised to see Seamoose sitting on a bench looking glum.

"Hi, Seamoose!" Sprite said brightly, becoming slightly less exuberant when she saw the sad look on his face. "... What's wrong?"

"Uh... Oh... Nothing..." Seamoose muttered.

"Ah, c'mon!" Sprite said, sitting down next to the fanboy. "Tell me what's on your mind!"

"Oh..." said Seamoose. "Just that whole... kiss... thing the other day. I mean... it was a little too close to reality."

"You mean reality as in, what goes on in your life outside this fic?" Sprite whacked Seamoose over the head with the book she was carrying. "Quit breaking the fourth wall!" Then she added, "Honestly, you're not that bad looking!"

"Thank you!" Seamoose said, slightly irritated, rubbing his head. It was a large book, after all...

"Oh Seamoose, I'm sorry!" Sprite said, giving him a quick hug. "You're a really cool person. That little episode the other day was nothing against you! And in a way, you're actually responsible for making the effects of the potion go away on me. Kissing you was too much for my brain to handle, so I snapped out of it."

There was a pause. Then Sprite added, in case Seamoose's thought process actually had been dulled when she hit him over the head, "So you helped Figwit out by kissing me. Thanks!"

"Oh..." Seamoose said slowly. "You're right! I helped Figwit! I helped THE MIGHTY ONE!! WHOO-HOO!!!"

Sprite laughed, watching the fanboy get more and more excited with each sentence he said, until he was on his feet and jumping around the hallway. Glorfindel came down the hallway, and leaned against a pillar, watching Seamoose.

"Has he gotten into the wine cellars?" the Elf asked.

Sprite shook her head, picked up her book, and headed towards Figwit's room. On an afterthought, she turned around and began walking backwards. "No!" she called to Glorfindel. "He's just drunk on victory!" Then she turned and ran down the hall.

She arrived, panting, several minutes later at Figwit's door. She pushed it open and entered. Inside, she saw Figwit, Legolas, Sake, and Aldawen, gathered around a table, their heads bent over something that Sprite could not see.

"Hey," she said. Figwit looked up.

"He's demanding more recent issues of PlayElf." he said wearily. "He claims to have read all the old ones, Eru knows where he got them them."

"*Well*, if he's locked in Legolas's closet..." began Aldawen, her voice dripping acid.

"That dude has a sick mind." Sprite interrupted, shaking her head and sitting down beside Figwit at the table.

"Why won't you let me deal with him??" Sake begged. "Once I was through with him, he'd wish he had never chosen to be immortal!"

"Absolutely not!" Legolas said, in a tone of voice that hinted that they had been over this before. "He may be an idiot, and we may be keeping him locked in my closet, but the fact is that Elrond is still an Elf Lord of great power!"

"And when little Elf Lords are naughty, they should be sent to bed without dinner!" Aldawen said. "I say lock him out of his study for a month and them be done with it. If we haven't thought of how to punish him yet-"

"You show surprising compassion for someone who cast you under a nasty spell." Figwit observed thoughtfully. Aldawen opened her mouth to argue, and then closed it again. It was useless to argue against such logic.

"Speaking of which," Sprite said, pushing forward the book she had taken from the library. "I found this book that may be helpful. It's about Elvish punishment in the Modern Middle-earth." Figwit began leafing through the book. "It's got everything from the old dirt-in-the-hair trick to impersonating the Valar."

"Wow!" said Legolas, reading over Figwit's shoulder. "This would have come in handy during our battle!"

"Definitely..." Figwit said in awe.

Sake cleared her throat. "Focusing on Elrond here, boys!" she said impatiently.

"Oh..." Figwit said, tearing himself away from a page that explained how to manipulate an opponent's next-of-kin. "Right! So which one or combination of these devilish tricks is bad enough for our Village Idiot?"

"We still haven't decided if we're actually going to punish him yet..." Aldawen began.

"Yes we have!" Legolas said. "Really, Aldawen, I'm beginning to think Elrond has you under another spell!"

"Sorry." Aldawen said, and laid her head on Legolas' shoulder. He put his arm around her soothingly.

"What if we shaved his hair?" Sprite asked. "Then he'd be even uglier than he is now! All would cringe to look upon him!"

"Yes, but it would grow back." Figwit pointed out.

"I know!" said Sprite. "What if we put him through the same torture that Legolas put me through? Disney Cartoons! Powerpuff Girls! Spongebob! It would scar him for life!... It certainly did for me!" she added, shuddering at the memory.

"Yeah, sorry about that..." Legolas said.

"It is a good idea." Sake said. "If I can't pummel him, I'd be content to let Disney pummel his mind."

"Then it's settled!" Legolas said.

And so it was that, half an hour later, Elrond found himself duct taped to a chair in Legolas TV room, duct tape over his mouth, watching the most unspeakable horror of all. For The Author's brother had recently received a new movie as a gift, and The Author kindly lent it to Legolas. The movie was: "Scooby-doo Meets Batman"! It would be a wonder if Elrond came out of the experience alive.

(A/N I'm not kidding, that movie actually exists. And it is terrible!)

And after this torture, there was much, much more. "Powerpuff Girls vs. Sailor Moon". "The Best of Spongebob Squarepants". "Pokemon's Greatest Epics". "Howard the Duck". And the list went on...

It is obvious then, that our dear Elf Lord was promising Eru that he'd never be bad again after only five minutes of his punishment. Once it was all over, and Legolas tore the duct tape off of Elrond's mouth, the Elf Lord let out a small whimper of, "Mommy...?" and then fainted.

"Ah, serves him right!" Legolas grunted as he and Figwit dragged Elrond's prone form to his room. "We'll keep him locked in his room for a while now... Closets get a bit boring after a while."

"With all the stuff you keep in there, I should thinks yours wouldn't be!" Aldawen said accusingly.

"What have you been doing? Rummaging through my closet?" asked Legolas.

"It's my job." said Aldawen primly, and she refused to say any more.

They came to Elrond's bedroom, and draped the fainted Elf Lord unceremoniously over a couch. Then they left, locking the door behind them.

Here The Author would like to note that Elrond's bedroom is different from his study, so he cant do anything naughty whilst locked in his bedroom.

"Where are you going?" asked Aldawen as Legolas walked away down the hall.

"To clean out my closet!" Legolas said.

Figwit returned to his room, and found Sprite sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking through some sort of catalogue.

"What's that?" asked Figwit curiously. Sprite looked up.

"Uh... uh..." she said, searching for an excuse. "Um... Nothing. This is absolutely nothing!" She tucked the catalogue under her arm, and fled the room.

"Sprite?" said Figwit, confused.

"It's a surprise!" she called over her shoulder, and disappeared out of sight.

Chapter Twelve