Round Two
The Elfie-Boys
About the Elfie-Boys
The Others
The Stories
Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle
The Elfie-Boys and Their BIG Egos
Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM
Rogue's Gallery
My Page
Contact Me

Synopsis: The Elves have begun their battle to see who is the better Elf. The winner of Round One was Figwit. Legolas has vowed revenge, and Glorfindel appears to be having an emotional breakdown.


Reader Votes:

Legolas:11 Figwit: 4 ....and *sigh* Glorfindel: 3, but I promise you, he has told me personally that he wants nothing to do with this war!!

Glorfindel: "Please, I beg you, don't vote for me! You don't even know what I look like!" *breaks down in sobs. Legolas comes over to comfort him*

Figwit: "Yay! I got more votes! I have fans!"

Legolas: "Unfortunately."

Figwit: "I heard that!" *pouts*

Author: "Let's get on with this, please!"


Round Two

Figwit came back to his room to get his hair out of the state Legolas had put it in. A Kindly Reader gave him a hair brush to do this with.

"Thank you, Kindly Reader," said Figwit. The Reader fainted.

Once Figwit had fixed his hair, he began plotting his next move. 'Hmm...' he thought. 'Legolas' seems obsessed with his arrows. Maybe if I replace all of his arrows with amusing objects and re-strung his bow with silly string...' And the plotting contiued.

Meanwhile, Legolas had snapped out of it. He cleaned his nails and took a shower to wash the dirt out of his hair. All this time he was plotting revenge, sweet revenge.

"Well, Figwit loves his clothes," Legolas thought outloud. "He is always up with the latest fashions. Maybe if I tie-dye all of his clothes urple then he'll be too humiliated to leave his room and I'll win the war by forfeight."

Figwit left his room to go back to Legolas'. He hid behind a pillar and waited for Legolas to leave hi room. When Legolas finally did leave, Figwit noticed that he was followed by several fangirls carrying signs that said things like 'Down With Figwit', and 'Die, Figwit, Die!'. Figwit hoped that the second signs were only in German, and could be translated into 'The, Figwit, The!'.

When Legolas was out of sight, Figwit darted forward and entered the Elf's room. It looked the same as it had half an hour ago, minus the flowerpot on the windowsill.

Figwit looked around, wondering where Legolas kept his bow and arrows. They were not hard to find. They were in a glass case atop an ivory table, with a label saying: "Legolas Greenleaf's best friends: His trusty bow and arrows". 'Ai, Eru!' Figwit thought.

He picked the lock on the glass case and lifted out the bow and quiver of arrows. He laid them on the floor and whipped out a can of silly string and a bag of rubber chickens. "Haha!" said Figwit. "Victory shall be mine!!"

Carefully, he un-strung the bow string on Legolas' bow. He sprayed a fine tread of bright pink silly string out of the can, and carefully strung it onto the bow. Then he removed all of the arrows from the quiver, and replaced them with rubber chickens, plus a few spatulas and empty pixy stix. Then he put the bow and quiver back in their glass case.

"Revenge is a dish best served with pork chops and mashed potatoes!" said Figwit gleefully. "MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!"

Legolas could not believe his luck! He had his bottle of urple dye, he had his rubber gloves, and he was already to tie-dye Figwit's clothes. And Figwit was not in his room! It was perfect! Of course, the thought did occur to Legolas that Figwit might be off doing something evil to his opponent, but nothing could be worse than dying clothes urple!

Legolas opened Figwit's wardrobe and pulled out all the clothes. He put them in a big pot and dumped all the urple dye on them. Instantly, the clothes were ruined, now being urple through and through. Gasp and horror! Legolas laughed manically.

"Oh, hello, Legolas," said Figwit coming back. "What are you doing in my room?" There was a pause, then, "WHAT THE @#$#@%!!!^*%) IN $%@#*&^)($!!@$ HAVE YOU DONE TO MY CLOTHES?!?!?!?!?"

"I dyed them urple," said Legolas.

"I can tell," Figwit said through clenched teeth. "Oh well," he said, calming down. "You didn't know about my extra stash of clothes." Figwit reached under his bed and pulled out several new outfits, which he hung in his wardrobe. Legolas promptly pulled them out and dropped them in the urple dye.

"#@$%??@&^*!!?^*()#" said Figwit. Legolas laughed and went back to his room. He fetched his real bow and arrows out of his closet, and went back and shot holes in all of Figwit's urple clothes.

Winner of Round Two: Legolas

A/N End of Round Two! I would first like to thank jaffacake and tenshiamanda for giving the ideas for what the Elves did to each other in this round, and then Figwit would once again like to thank Sprite for being the Kindly Reader who gave him a hair brush.

Figwit: "Thank you, Sprite."

Author: "Thank you, jaffacake and tenshiamanda."

Legolas: "Hey, how come my fangirls didn't help me when I had dirt in my hair??"

Author: "They were too busy swooning and fainting."

Legolas: "Oh, yeah..."
*Urple is a color from The Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth, a story on by Camilla Sandman. Imagine pink and purple mixed in the most horrible way...

Round Three