Chapter Six
The Elfie-Boys
About the Elfie-Boys
The Others
The Stories
Legolas vs. Figwit: The Ultimate Battle
The Elfie-Boys and Their BIG Egos
Legolas, Figwit, and the Liquor Cabinet of DOOM
Rogue's Gallery
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Attack of the Elfie-Ninjas!!

A/N The beginning of this chapter is from Aldawen's point of view.
"What is going on with me? Whats happening? I don't understand why I'm doing it, but... I'm hurting Legolas... somehow. I don't want to- I never have! He looks so sad! Standing there like that. Shocked.

"All I did was drink the wine Elrond gave me and now I'm throwing myself at Elrohir! He looks scared...

"Legolas, there you are! Come here! I want to give you a hug! But... I can't... Why can't I go to him? Why am I saying and doing these horrible things? He's looking at me... Oh, Legolas, don't look at me like that! I never meant to! I love you! This isn't me!

"Geez, go away, you weirdo! You're so ugly, you're scaring me!"

"Oh, how can I be saying these things? I feel as though I'm drowning, I can't get out. I want to go to Legolas, to put my arms around him, comfort him, but... I can't. Something is keeping me back. I cant stand it. I'm trying to fight it, but it's so hard!

"Legolas, please say it wasn't me who put that look on your face! Don't... No! Don't go away! I'd rather be yelled at than have you look at me that way! I need you..."

Sprite rode through the forest at a fast pace, closely followed by Caligula-formerly-known-as-Bob the camel.

"I do say, my lady?" Caligula called to her. "Could we perhaps slow down a bit? I'm positively famished and in dire need of a rest!"

"Can it, Bob." Sprite muttered.

"The name is Caligula, eh what!" Caligula snapped.

"Bob, Caligula, whatever the heck your name is!" Sprite exploded. "Just shut up!"

"Where's E-dan?" asked Sake forlornly, her big eyes scanning the forest.

"You too!" Sprite growled.

"I do say, it must be her time of the month." Caligula said to Sake, who nodded sagely.Sprite glared at them. Aldawen, meanwhile, had a wistful, desperate look in her eyes.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Elladan and Elrohir were trying to think of a good excuse for the fangirls' absence. They knew that their father would be mightily annoyed if he found out that they had left. The Twins were sure that Elrond still has something up his sleeve.

Glorfindel suddenly came up to them, running on silent feet as always. "Look out," he said. "Your father is coming this way, and he's not in a good mood."

"Why not?" asked Elladan.

"He's looking for Sprite." Glorfindel explained. "I'm not sure what for, but it can't be good."

"That's just ducky." Elrohir said sarcastically.

"Here he comes!" Glorfindel hissed.

The Lord of Imladris was getting mightily annoyed. He had searched Rivendell high and low for Sprite so that he could force-feed her some of his potion, but she was nowhere to be found. Finally, he decided to look in the stables, and then he'd give up. As he crossed the courtyard that led to the stables, he found Elladan, Elrohir, and Glorfindel blocking his path, having a pleasant, yet animated conversation.

"Boys!" he said to them. "Have you seen Sprite around here?"

"Sprite?" Elrohir said innocently. "Nope, haven't seen her all day. Glorfindel, what about you?"

"Nah, I haven't seen her either." Glorfindel.

"I've been hanging out with Elrohir all morning." Elladan said. "Sorry."

During this exchange, Elrond had crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at his sons and his friend sceptically.

"You're covering for her, aren't you?" he said. "So she can get away."

"What?" Elladan said. "No, we'd never let her go after Figwit!"

"Way to go, doofus." Elrohir muttered.

"Ah!" said Elrond. "So she's going after Figwit? I thought she might! Well, that leaves me only one choice!" He turned on his heel and left , striding quickly across the ground.

"Oh no." Glorfindel said, paling.

"What is it, Glor?" asked Elrohir.

"Oh no." Glorfindel said. "No. He can't..."

Figwit and Legolas rode through the forest for some time. They did not speak; they were both lost in their own thoughts.

"Why would Elrond do that?" Legolas finally asked in a quiet, forlorn voice.

"It's one of life's mysteries, I guess." Figwit said. "At least you know it's not Aldawen and Sake's fault."

"I wish none of this had ever happened." Legolas said.

"So do all those who live to see such times." replied Figwit. "But that is not for them to-"

Suddenly, Legolas and Figwit were bathed in a pool of golden light. There was the sound of an intercom crackling, and a heavenly voice came down from the clouds.

"Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?" the Voice said. "Ah. Attention, Wal-mart shoppers! No, wait that's not it. Ah, here it is! Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Author speaking. We have just encountered a glaring reference to the movie. The violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the-"

"Geez, do you mind?" Legolas shouted. "I'm baring my soul here!"

"Oh, okay, carry on." the Voice said. The pool of golden light vanished. Legolas and Figwit stared at each other for a moment of stunned silence, and then nudged their horses forward and continued riding.

After a little while, they came to a fork in the path.

"The left one leads to Mirkwood, and the right one leads to Lothlorien." Figwit said. "I guess this is where we part company."

"Yup," Legolas said. "Ok. See ya, man."

Suddenly, a dark shape leapt out of the bushes followed by several more dark shapes.

"What the-?" was all that Figwit was able to get out, before he and Legolas were knocked off their horses and all went dark.

Sprite was in a very, very, very bad mood. For the past hour Sake, Aldawen, and Caligula had made her pray to the Valar that they would be struck by lightening.

"Please?" she whispered, staring up at the clouds. "Just one bolt each? It's not too difficult..." She broke off, hearing a sound in the bushes.

"Who's there?" she said warily, desperately wishing that she had her Figgy at her side. Or at least someone who knew how to shoot a bow. Silence greeted her.

"My lady, did you hear something?" Caligula asked.

"Shh!" Sprite said. And gasped. A dark shape had just flitted across a tree branch over the path. It couldn't be...

Suddenly, the path was surrounded by about fifteen Elves wearing black clothes, with masks over their faces. Sprite wheeled her horse around.

"My lady, what is it?" asked Caligula.

"They're Elfie-Ninjas!" Sprite shouted. "Elrond's secret spies! RUN!!"

But it was too late. The alluring effect of the Elfie-Ninjas was already taking hold of Sprite, and she desperately tried to fight it as they closed in around her.

Suddenly, Sprite was bathed in a pool of golden light. "Idiot, use your sword!" shouted a heavenly Voice. "I didn't write Glorfindel giving you those fencing lessons for nothing!"

"Could you turn off you light first?" called Sprite. "I can't fight like this, it's getting in my eyes!"

The Elfie-Ninjas just stared, not sure what to make of a fangirl talking to herself.

"Oh, sorry." the Voice said, and the golden light surrounding Sprite vanished. Sprite drew her sword and leapt off of Peace. Then the fight began.

Sprite was surprised how well she was able to keep the Elfie-Ninjas at bay. Their power to entice fangirls was strong, but something, perhaps her great love for Figwit, made it so that it didn't affect Sprite as much. But she had another distraction to worry about.

"Ok, now- Look out behind you!" shouted the Heavenly Voice. "Ah, he almost got you that time! Now, swing at the one that's coming in on your left... No, your other left! Ah, good!"

"Do you mind?" called Sprite. "I can't concentrate with you shouting directions at me!"

"Sorry, can't hear you." the Voice said. "I'm too busy shouting directions at you. Ok, now quick! Turn around... Ooh! That was a close one. Now, watch out for the one coming behind, no, the other way! Swing, and... Ooh. Too late. Man, that has got to hurt. You must be in pain!!"

Sprite muttered something that would not be appropriate for a PG rated fic, and rubbed her arm where one of the Elfie-Ninjas' spinning blades had cut her.

"Ok," the Voice said. "Now what you need to do is-" Then a burst of laughter came out of the clouds, and the Voice said, "Hey, guys do you mind? I'm trying to- No, don't touch that cord-" There was a loud squeak, and the Voice was silent.

Sprite turned back to the Elfie-Ninjas who had surrounded her. She swung her sword in a desperate attack, and was just in time to hear Caligula cry, "My lady, behind you!" before there was a sharp pain in the back of her head and the world went black.

Chapter Seven